The more often this emotional reaction occurs over time, the more likely they are to imitate it. Showing genuine emotion in response to an event lets your teens know what’s socially appropriate. Why will they be better off? Young people model behavior after their family members - mostly their parents and other caregivers. In fact, both parents and teens are better off if parents learn how to appropriately express the full range of emotions. When this happens, it’s common to shut down or explode because feelings have not been expressed. But when emotions pile up, they may begin to feel too overwhelming to access. Others believe a parents’ role is to be polite and not burden others, so they put on a mask of happiness, regardless of true feelings. This is because many parents (fathers in particular) believe that they need to be strong, silent types projecting a steady mind and even temper. They risk bottling up feelings of sadness, anger, or fear. If parents exhibit this behavior all the time, especially when something is truly upsetting or terrifying, they do a disservice to themselves (and their teens). If we appear unhappy, we may be greeted with a “What’s wrong?” or “Is everything okay?” We might cast aside these questions with a simple “I’m fine,” or “Don’t worry about it,” to protect ourselves from judgement and avoid burdening others with our troubles. In general, family members, friends, and co-workers expect us to be in a good mood. For the most part we are happy to oblige! We all know happiness feels good and that people enjoy being greeted with a smile and a “How ya doing?” We know that people appreciate it when we express gratitude. To some degree, society demands that we default to these emotions. Being happy, glad, thrilled, satisfied, content. Let’s start on a positive note with those emotions that are, well, positive. By safely expressing even difficult emotions, we model how to practice stress management and self-care. By experiencing emotions, we model how to live life to its fullest, inclusive of joys and challenges. One of the ways to be a stable guide for our families is to experience and express the full range of emotions. Each of them serves an important purpose and deserves to be expressed. We may feel one or more of these emotions at any given time. We can be happy, sad, angry, thrilled, scared, satisfied. If you need to specify your partner’s role in the feeling, start that sentence with, “When you.” For instance, “When you came in so late last night from work, I felt very scared.” Continue then with, “My concern was…” At this point, you are on the road to mutual understanding.We’re lucky to have so many different emotions at our disposal.A good sentence-starter for this explanation is “My concern is…” For instance, "My concern is that I don't see an end in sight for you bringing work home every night." Explain more about the source of the feeling.Begin with “I feel…” “I felt…” or “I have been feeling…” For example, "I feel discouraged about.".Then, to optimize the likelihood you will be heard without defensiveness, choose a word other than a word from the anger family for the feeling that remains-try a word like “sad” or “scared.”.An angry voice invites an angry voice in return. If your feeling is “mad” or “angry,” calm down before you start talking. Pause to look inside yourself and label your internal feeling.Here are five guidelines that are likely to bring success:
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